


Esteem

by Kereea



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-17 11:42:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3528122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kereea/pseuds/Kereea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where Cullen is a Southern Mage and Dorian a Tevinter "not-Templar"...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Esteem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The original oneshot.

“Do you ever wonder what it might have been? If you were a mage and I was a Templar?”

“Well, firstly, Amatus, your idea breaks down in that I am _not_ a Templar.”

“Not by the Tevinter definition, true, but by the Southern one you’re pretty damn close,” Cullen said.

Just because that was true didn’t mean he wouldn’t argue.

“Southerners. You insist on terming everything all wrong just because it’s close,” Dorian sniffed. “Next you’ll call my brother a magister.”

Cullen smiles, “No, I’ve learned better than that. But what do you think?”

“I…I suppose I might have been an only child, if I’d had magic. Why both making two if the first will do? Probably would have made my romantic proclivities more of a problem than they are...”

“Problem,” Cullen snorted. “I’ll never understand how _that_ is a problem.”

"It’s because you’re from the south, my lion.”

Watching Cullen flush under the praise of the lofty nickname only reminded Dorian of what was seen as a problem down here…magic and mages and the lot. “I suppose if you weren’t a mage you’d have been a Templar.”

He might have flourished at that, instead of having his self-esteem crushed by Southern Circles.

“Or I might be dead. They killed all the Templars in the tower,” Cullen said quietly.

Killed them and tortured the mages who didn’t turn into abominations. And then Cullen, in a delicate state after all that, had been judged a risk and sent to _Kirkwall_ and its mess. “I don’t know. You seem to have survived quite a lot.”

At Cullen’s shrug he pressed, “Would you be happier if you weren’t a mage, amatus?”

It was incomprehensible to Dorian, to where he could scarcely believe he’d asked it. Most families would be delighted to suddenly produce a mage where he was from…

“I…no,” Cullen said. “I’m glad I was with the rebels when they met with Alexius. Glad I was able to help you and the Inquisitor stop him…glad I met you.”

“And you helped so marvelously…I suppose being Felix’s ‘Templar’ babysitter was worth something after all,” Dorian mused.

“Why do you hate being called a Templar, anyway? Is it because we’re fighting them?” Cullen asked.

“No it’s just…in Tevinter, Templars are more…ornamental,” Dorian explained. “The fact that I can silence a mage’s magic, cut them off…it would be unheard of for a Templar to go about doing that.” He preened a bit, “I’m special.”

Well, special in that his parents had thought it would be useful to protect his brother until he was a Magister…

“But what if the Black Divine wanted them to go after a mage?”

“You don’t need Templars to do that,” Dorian huffed. “Felix’s mother was a bard and she could take out a mage with ease when we were children.”

“Just…no Templars, no control…seems odd,” Cullen said, his nose scrunching.

“We’re not so afraid of magic,” Dorian said. “I see it as a tool, no different from my sword.”

“Your sword cannot get you possessed.” Cullen’s eyes seemed very far away. “I’m dangerous, Dorian.”

“So am I. Your point, amatus?” When Cullen didn’t reply he sighed. “I do not know how to communicate it any better, Cullen. I do not fear you, nor will I.”

.o.o.o.

Dorian would never make sense to Cullen. Any Templar—and he knew it was the wrong term, he did, but Dorian never gave him a better one—would normally be suspicious of a mage. And they had every right to be, from what happened at Kinloch…

He remembered the aghast look on Dorian’s face when he’d asked the man to kill him if he ever became an abomination. How he’d been chided for thinking about it.

Cullen knew he had power. He mostly stuck to healing and those sorts of things but he could fight. Solas often accused him of untapped potential, as did Dorian, but…he worried. About losing control.

“Something wrong?”

Dorian was still buckling on his armor, sleek and dark with bits that glittered like stars. He was the vainest warrior Cullen had ever met.

“Just hoping this mission goes well. I’m not sure why the Inquisitor picked me over Vivienne,” Cullen said.

“Because you’re a good healer and we expect to take damage against this dragon,” Dorian said. “Solas can handle hurting it with magic. Just keep us alive, will you?”

“Between Bull’s reckless charging, your ability to draw attention, and the Inquisitor always getting too close I doubt it,” Cullen muttered under his breath.

Dorian laughed, “Well, if you’d like to channel that anger into some reptile-frying-lightning, don’t let me stop you. It’s very attractive.”

Cullen held his tongue before he tried to correct Dorian that it was _dangerous_ , not attractive. The man seemed to have a thing for whenever Cullen cast particularly visible spells. Or healed him. Or healed anyone else. “You _must_ have a magic fetish.”

“No, I have a Cullen-is-comfortable-with-what-he-is fetish,” Dorian said. “When you stop worrying about what might go wrong and just _do_ something magical…you have no idea how beautiful you look, amatus.”

Cullen just knew he was turning red, “I…I…”

Dorian chuckled and helped him pull on his fur-hooded cloak, “Trust me. I know what looks good.”

.o.o.o.

Holding hands while walking around in the Fade was probably not the best idea, but they were _physically in the fade_ so Dorian didn’t much care.

“Are you all right?” he asked Cullen quietly as the Nightmare’s taunts echoed over them. He’d seen Cullen’s gave marker of fear, just as Cullen had seen Dorian’s ‘worthlessness.’

Cullen’s had said ‘abomination.’

“I’ve had worse. No crowd of depair demons, at least.”

“They your usual, too?” Hawke asked over her shoulder. “Mine used to be desire and pride, still see them now and then but…”

“Kirkwall,” Cullen agreed mirthlessly.

“I suppose if I was a mage it would be pride?” Dorian asked.

“Knowing you,” Cullen joked weakly.

“ **Cullen** ,” the Nightmare rumbled. Dorian swallowed. His mage hadn’t been addressed yet…though his own fears that his family was glad their non-magical, deviant son was gone had been broadcast quite well. “ **When one of my demons takes your body, it’ll kill your dear Templar first. He’ll die at your hand.** ”

“Great, even that thing thinks I’m a sodding Templar!” Dorian complained even as he squeezed Cullen’s hand. “You’re stronger than that and you know it. Do not listen.”

Cullen swallowed and nodded. “I’ll be fine. I know you could kill me before I you.”

“That’s…not what I hoped to hear.” He would defend himself, certainly, it wouldn’t really be Cullen anymore…but he did not like how casual Cullen could be about it.

After another skirmish he found himself near Hawke. “Are all southern mages this cavalier about asking their dear ones to kill them?”

“Well…it can generally be an unspoken agreement…” she said. “But it worries me a bit how Cullen just brings it up. I know Fenris would if he had to but I don’t make him talk about it.”

“I see.”

Solas was arguing with Cullen. Dorian was about to go ask what when they were attacked again.

.o.o.o.

“The elf’s been making faces at you since Adamant, what happened?”

Cullen nearly jumped. Dorian had seemingly appeared behind him. “I…he wants me to tell you something.”

Dorian snorted, “Solas can delvier his own messages.”

“No, no…he’s an elf. His hearing is better,” Cullen said. “He…heard you and Hawke. In the Fade. And he…err…guessed at something?”

“Our favorite apostate is meddling, now is he?”

“He figured out why I keep bringing up you killing me,” Cullen said. “If it comes to that.”

He saw Dorian’s face lose color, as it always did when the topic came up. “He…he realized… that I…it’s my way of pushing you away.”

Dorian stepped back suddenly, “Cullen, if you don’t want to continue our relationship, you only need to tell-”

“Maker, no!” Cullen said. “I just…I just feel like sometimes…you don’t know what you’re keeping close.”

“You’re not a what!” Dorian snapped. “Damn it, Cullen, I _know_ there is a chance. I am not stupid. But of you to keep reminding me all the time…do you think I want to think about it?”

“It just feels like you don’t understand-”

“But I _do_ ,” Dorian said. “You’re a good Chantry boy, you’re so sure of everything they’ve ever told you about magic being bad and dangerous and everything you’ve been through before the Inquisition has done little to prove you wrong. I understand that. But look around you, we have free mages doing _good_ , Cullen. Making good and being all right wandering around free. And you’re one of them.”

Dorian leaned close, “I don’t love you because you are a mage. I love you because being a mage is a part of _you_ , Cullen.”

“I…well, if we’re confessing…” Cullen said. “You…you make me feel normal. Like…like being a mage is normal. Where I know if I asked you to Silence me before we…did things…you’d say no and lecture me on how my magic is wonderful.”

“I would,” Dorian agreed.

“It’s nice. I like that you make me feel like that,” Cullen said. “Loved.”

“Always,” Dorian said. Cullen's heart hammered at his smile, before the warrior leaned in and kissed him.

.o.o.o.

“So…do we know what the Inquisitor plans to do now?” Cullen asked as the victory party carried on.

Dorian pulled the mage into his lap, “I think the vote’s for keeping power and righting wrongs at the moment. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?”

“And…you? You were considering going back to Tevinter.”

“You’d hate it there. You’d get so sunburnt,” Dorian chuckled.

“…If you really wanted to go, I’d still go with you.”

“It’s a dream, amatus,” Dorian said. “I’m no mage, noble or not. They wouldn’t listen. No matter how right.”

“Then you can change things here,” Cullen said. “Help us make a group of not-Templars to deal with rogue magic users or something.”

“If you say so,” Dorian chuckled. “And you?”

“Some of the mages are staying here. I might be able to learn from them…using lightning is a bit more fun than I let on.”

“I _knew_ it,” Dorian said before grabbing him by the shoulders and kissing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is my headcanon that mage-ism shows earlier in Tevinter since they look for it. Hence Dorian's parents having another kid when he wasn't a mage in this AU. The general consensus I've seen for canon is that by the time they realized he was gay, it was too late to have another kid.  
> Dorian notes in-game that Tevinter Templars cannot silence (that is, disable the magic of) mages. Which seems like an odd skill to lack in its entirety, I can see noble Tevinter families teaching trusted members/guards how to, to attack rivals.  
> I think that a mage!Cullen, as someone very devoted to the Chantry, would totally internalize the anti-mage stuff and have serious self-esteem issues as result. Dorian meanwhile was more ignored by his family, but that made the separation hurt less...even if he's scared to think they're glad he's gone.


	2. Attraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Cullen and Dorian met, joined the Inquisition, and got together in this AU.

Dorian and Felix were trying to focus on exactly what Alexius had done. It was like he’d rewritten time itself, gotten there first when he really hadn’t…

“Glad you understand this stuff,” Felix muttered, shifting through the papers.

Dorian tried not to look too smug. A mage he was not, but he _was_ rather brilliant. Just because he couldn’t cast magic didn’t mean he didn’t understand the underlying theories and applications. “It must be the breach…it’s somehow altered the state of magic to where this is possible.”

“So what do we do? The Inquisition won’t just _believe_ us! I doubt any of the southern mages even would!”

“Doubt we’d believe what?”

Dorian and Felix both jumped.

“I’m sorry,” the blonde said quickly. “I was told there was a chess board in here and was just looking to…I’ll just be…”

“No, no, there is one,” Felix said. “Cullen, right? I heard some of the others talking about you.”

“Complaining, more like,” Cullen replied. At Felix’s slight wince he added, “What, you think I don’t know?”

“What are you both talking about?” Dorian asked. How anyone could complain about someone so good looking…well, Dorian supposed he _could_ secretly be a right bastard but he doubted it.

“Cullen was one of the…less enthusiastic rebels,” Felix said.

“Oh,” Dorian said. “…Cullen, would you believe that we think Alexius is plotting something quite evil and we should stop him?”

“Dorian!” Felix groaned.

“Well you just said we might need a southern mage to believe us!” Dorian said innocently. “He could do it!”

“What on earth are you talking about?” Cullen demanded.

“We think my father, Alexius, has used magic to rewrite time so that the mages sided with him instead of the Inquisitor,” Felix said. “He’s serving something called ‘The Elder One’ and we need to stop him.”

“I was…actually hoping we’d side with the Inquisition,” Cullen admitted. “All right, what’s the plan?”

.o.o.o.

“I don’t know what we expect to do if Alexius really can use magic over time,” Cullen said, frowning at the notes he’d been shuffling through.

“Well, either you or I could potentially use a counter spell,” Felix said. “What do you think I’ve been working on?”

“Alexius knows me too well for me to properly cut off his magic,” Dorian said. “He’d see it coming a mile away…”

“Oh! I didn’t know Tevinter had Templars,” Cullen said. Dorian certainly didn’t dress like any Templar he’d ever seen, even when he had his armor on.

“We do, but I am not a Templar,” Dorian said. “Templars are sort of…the Divine’s enforcers, I suppose. But they don’t disrupt casting. That’s your Templars.”

“…But you just said you can disrupt casting,” Cullen said.

Dorian shook his head, “True. I’ll explain it better later.”

It was something of a comfort, knowing Dorian could do that. After Kinloch, after Kirkwall, Cullen was terrified of what he could do, could become. Knowing there was someone nearby who could deal with that was nice.

“Is it true, what the rebels say?” Felix asked as he continued digging through notes. “That southern mages were all locked up?”

“I…it’s not as simple as that. Magic’s dangerous, _we’re_ dangerous,” Cullen said. “It’s good to know there’s a guard, is all.”

“You sound like one of your Templars,” Felix said sadly. Even Dorian seemed to be giving him a pitying look.

“I-i-it may sound odd to you, being from Tevinter, I s-suppose,” Cullen added, stumbling over his words.

“Magic is dangerous,” Felix said. “But it’s nothing to be scared of. Especially if we’re to figure out a counter to my father’s time spells.”

“Yes,” Cullen said. Dorian smiled at him and he fought down a blush, going back to their pilfered notes.

.o.o.o.

“What did you do?” Dorian asked.

“I don’t know, I was just trying to block it!” Cullen said.

“Where are we?” the Inquisitor asked, dusting herself off. She towered over the both of them, and Dorian slid himself between her and Cullen.

“I don’t think it’s where,” he said. “Alexius used magic over time, so it’s _when_.”

“I don’t think I affected what he did much at all,” Cullen said, shrugging. “Sorry.”

“No harm done,” Inquisitor Adaar said. “I’m…not as well acquainted with you as I am with Dorian. You’re one of the rebel mages?”

“Um…yes,” Cullen said. “I, um, I’m not very good with magic-”

“You’re perfectly good with magic,” Dorian corrected.

Cullen glared at him, “Fine. But I really only know how to heal.”

“I think Dorian and I can handle the rest, then,” Adaar said. “Do you have a plan to get us out of this?”

“Lots of them. Lovely thoughts, like little jewels,” Dorian joked.

“Let’s hope they don’t need to be pried from your armor,” Cullen chuckled.

“You leave my armor alone,” Dorian replied. He knew it wasn’t the time for it, but he couldn’t help but think Cullen had a lovely smile.

.o.o.o.

It took everything Cullen had not to collapse. He’d never done magic like that before, he hadn’t been sure if he even could have…but he did. They were back.

Frankly if he’d had the energy and they weren’t in public, he might have kissed Dorian from sheer relief. But they were in public and he was drained. To be safe, he leaned on his staff as Alexius surrendered.

He’d swallowed when the King of Ferelden stormed in and the rebels’ fate was made clear. They would either go to the Inquisition as allies…or prisoners.

The Seeker recommended the latter. Dorian scowled and put a hand on Cullen’s shoulder as Felix bit his lip.

“They are our allies,” Adaar said simply, folding her arms. Cullen sighed in relief as things continued to be hashed out in front of them.

“I’m going back to Tevinter. Someone needs to denounce the Elder One,” Felix said, walking over.

“All right. Good luck,” Dorian said.

“I knew you’d stay.”

“And miss a grand adventure such as this?” Dorian asked loftily. “A chance to really right some of the wrongs with the world?”

“I _knew_ he’d stay,” Felix repeated sardonically, this time to Cullen. “Keep an eye on him for me?”

“I’ll…do my best.” A mage keeping an eye on a Templar. What would they think of next?

“Don’t let him drive you mad,” Felix warned.

“Felix!” Dorian groaned.

.o.o.o.

“Look at you,” Dorian chuckled as they pitched camp for the night. “Like shy lion in that hood. And here I though you Fereldens were dog people.”

“I like dogs,” Cullen muttered, pushing the furred hood back. “My ears just get cold.”

Even sitting across his shoulders it looked something like a mane. Adorable, really. “I’m sure. And _you’re_ a local. I swear, a hair cooler and I’d be frozen solid!”

“Your armor not insulate very well, then?” Cullen asked.

“I’m from Tevinter. We’re more worried about people in armor getting heatstroke,” Dorian chuckled, beginning to take off his gauntlets. “Do you know our sleeping arrangements?”

“Sleep wherever, hope you have a bedroll,” Cullen said.

“… _Kaffas_ ,” Dorian muttered. “Might as well sleep with the armor on, then.”

“I managed to grab some blankets,” Cullen said. “B-but I’m a bit iffy about curling up to that armor.”

“Very well,” Dorian said, going back to taking off the metal bits. “But I’m leaving on what’s not plate.”

“Feel free,” Cullen said, setting out the blankets.

Dorian couldn’t resist making a joke, “You know, this usually isn’t what getting into bed with a man means for me.”

Cullen blushed the most appealing shade of red, “I-I’m sure. But then it looks like almost everyone’s doubling up so it can’t be just you feeling like that.”

“Really?” He had to admit, he was intrigued Cullen had said that so openly.

“Please. I can tell you that quite a few mages are either trying to get in bed with their crush or trying _not_ to due to the temptation,” Cullen said. “No, I won’t say who. I’m not a gossip.”

“Yes, I noticed you roll your eyes whenever Felix and I started into it,” Dorian said.

“I just…it’s private, people’s lives. Unless they make it public but then…is that gossip? I’m not sure where I was going with that,” Cullen chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck and blushing again.

And of course Dorian’s blood rushed south. For once he was glad to be used to disappointment, it made resisting his urges easier.

Especially when Cullen settled far too close to him.

.o.o.o.

“I’m sorry!” Cullen blurted, pulling away. He’s just been so relieved they were both alive and everyone had made it out of Haven and…kissed Dorian. “I…that was sudden and…”

Dorian seized his shoulders and pulled him back in for another kiss. “Did you think I’d object?”

“I…maybe?” Cullen asked. “I thought you and Felix…”

“Me and Felix?” Dorian laughed. “Wait…you just…assumed?”

“You seemed close!” Cullen defended.

“He was my best friend, yes but… _Felix_?” Dorian asked, shaking his head. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Your business, that sort of thing,” Cullen said, feeling very embarrassed by this point.

“So you only weren’t flirting with me because I was, in your eyes, taken?” Dorian asked, cupping his face. “Good to know…”

Cullen felt his face go hot as Dorian easily pulled him to the ground and went for his neck. Lips and teeth ran along his neck and he clutched at Dorian’s shoulders, only to shove the warrior away as Dorian made a grab at his breeches, “What are you doing?”

“What are _you_ doing?” Dorian returned, looking confused. “I thought we were...you wanted…?”

“I, well, _yes_ ,” Cullen said. “But don’t you think that’s a bit…sudden?”

“Sudden?” Dorian had shifted from confused to outright baffled. “What are you talking about?”

“We just admit that we like each other and you want to bed me? Or, well, of course you _want_ to bed me but you actually try less than five minutes after we admit that?” Cullen asked.

“I don’t understand why you’re reacting like this, that’s how these things are done…” Cullen had never thought he’d see the day when Dorian, bright, clever, strong Dorian, looked like a lost puppy.

“How things are done?” Cullen asked.

“Back home, anything between two men…it’s physical, nothing more,” Dorian said. “You…it’s not that you don’t _care_ it’s just…I…”

“I care about you, Dorian,” Cullen said quietly. Stupid mage, getting his feelings mixed up where they shouldn’t… “And I don’t want this to just be a physical…whatever. If that’s all you want-”

“It’s _not_ ,” Dorian groaned. “It’s just…I don’t actually know what I’m doing. In regards to a…relationship, is that what you’re getting at?”

“Well, yes that was what I was getting at, I mean, I understand if you don’t want to…”

“I just said I did want to,” Dorian said. “I just…I’m afraid I’m not very…experienced in this.”

“Dorian, I’m a Circle Mage. You think I am?”

“Oh, right, Circles work strangely down here,” Dorian mused. “Well…care to fumble through this with me?”

It was a bad idea, a terrible idea. Cullen kissed him anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Yeah idk how this happened. If I'm lucky the one after this is the end of this plotbunny, but with my luck you'll be the lucky ones and more will happen...anyway, this is how things went down in this AU: Cullen and Dorian went through the portal with Adaar, Cullen just barely managed to make the amulet work to get them back.  
>  Dorian might be a warrior in this AU but he's still Dorian and a total bookworm. Cullen, as noted, was one of the ore reluctant rebels so he's just glad to make some pals.


	3. Sketch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While I work on the next couple bits, here's a sketch!

 

So, yeah, here's me sketch of how they look in this AU. Despite appearances, Cullen's actually about half an inch taller than Dorian, it's just he slouches a lot due to his self-esteem issue making him prefer to duck into the background.

I based Dorian's armor mostly off of Fenris', since Cassandra and Blackwall give us two fully armored warriors already (though his tunic has mail inside it--it's fashionable and practical!), Fenris is the only Warrior from Tevinter I really have references for, and Dorian strikes me as the type to prioritize speed and attack over defense. The second blade you can see on his other hip is a sword sword, he uses that mostly as a second blade when on defense should he be forced to. He's not big on carrying shields. All of this leaves him a bit more vulnerable to physical attacks, but magical attacks are what he's usually brought along to deal with.

Cullen was hard since I wanted to keep his color pallet but it's hard to do "red" as understated, which Cullen tries to be in this AU. So I used a reddish brown for his shirt instead and kept the hood and other bits muted. Cullen tends to keep his hood up even when it's warm, again due to his issues. Dorian, Adaar, Solas and Bull have the habit of tugging it off his head when he's not paying attention. I based his design off a combination of mages designs from the game and also Zelda's belt Skyward Sword (the fabric bit, in my head, has pockets on the underside). Cullen mainly works as a healer, but he's also got lightning for offense and some basic barriers. Solas is playing tutor.


	4. Affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian and Cullen settle into the Inquisition and clarify their relationship.

Dorian wore a mask. Not a physical one, but one with his emotions.

Cullen had noticed it for the first time when the Inquisitor had confronted Alexius and Dorian had revealed he was working against the magister. The casual teasing, flirting, and pride he’d used around Cullen and Felix when they’d been buried in notes and plans was replaced by something much more extreme and, if Cullen was to be honest, confusing. It was like Dorian was _trying_ to make people dislike him with how arrogantly he acted.

It made absolutely no sense to Cullen, who was more concerned with _not_ being noticed, _not_ standing out, and _not_ having people look at him like he meant something.

Seeing as how the Inquisitor had decided he and Dorian were useful companions to take along on her quests that was a bit difficult.

Cullen had found himself besieged by some of her other companions. Vivienne wanted his opinion on the Circle. Solas seemed to think he had untapped potential. Cole supposedly wanted to help but frankly was just reiterating his nightmares. Varric wouldn’t stop looking for stories. And so on.

And it was even worse watching _Dorian_ interact with them. He and Vivienne wouldn’t stop posturing. After Blackwall got on him for being a noble, he wouldn’t stop trading barbs with the man. And the _flirting_. Dear Maker the flirting.

Cullen had figured out very quickly that Dorian didn’t mean anything when he just said flirty things. It was…tonal, somehow. Whenever he gently called Cullen a lion or asked him to go off somewhere so they could kiss in private, his voice fell lower and somehow became more sincere.

Unlike now, where he was just teasing Cullen. “Why so shy, darling? It’s far too hot to keep that hood of yours up!”

“I’m fine.” He tugged the front of the hood a bit further down.

“A man as handsome as you shouldn’t hide his looks,” Dorian said, quieter this time.

“That…that has nothing to do with it,” Cullen said.

“If you say so.” There was something behind the mirth n Dorian’s eyes, concern maybe, but Cullen was fine. He didn’t need Dorian worried about him.

“Come on, Dorian, leave him alone.” Adaar was ever the diplomat.

“Boss, if you think Dorian’s ever going to have ‘leave Cullen alone’ on the brain, you’re dead wrong.” And Bull was ever brash. Joy. “And if you think Cullen doesn’t mind being bothered, you really need to get your head checked.”

He was glad he had the hood up. It meant no one saw him blushing.

.o.o.o.

Dorian rather liked the Inquisition. A bunch of powerful people in one place actually getting things done instead of mindlessly backstabbing each other? How novel.

Still, he seemed to be finding his place. The Inquisitor was kind to her adventuring companions, provided they didn’t get at each other’s throats. Which meant he and Vivienne had recently been in a bit of trouble for what really had just been some harmless bickering about each other’s ability to accessorize…

He’d also found that of the four warriors often venturing out with the Inquisitor he was the fastest, but had the worst defensive abilities against physical attacks. Thankfully Adaar seemed to have noticed this herself and mainly brought him along mostly to deal with magical threats…or to keep Cullen from tying himself in knots.

It was nearly enough to make Dorian want to spit whenever Vivienne talked of how there was nothing wrong with the Southern Circles. No doubt she’d dismiss it as Cullen being naturally weak willed or some pathetic reasoning like that, but _anything_ that made a mage that damn afraid of themselves deserved to be abolished.

“Thank you,” he sighed as Cullen fixed up his arm. “Cannot believe that happened…”

“The Inquisitor and I both warned you,” Cullen replied. “Sera, are you all right?”

“Fine, fine…stupid dead things, walking about,” the archer muttered under her breath. “Don’t need none of your glowy healing, I’ve got potions.”

Cullen shrugged, “If you say so. But you might want to wash that cut on your shoulder.”

“What cut on my—oh piss, look at that,” Sera sighed, spotting the gash. “…All right, mage, fix it up but make it quick.”

“You can at least use his name, Sera _dear_ ,” Dorian bit out.

“Sorry, Cullen. Just make it quick though, all right? Magic gives me the shivers…”

“I know Sera,” Cullen said.

“Course you do. And at least you get it, don’t go butting in everywhere with your-”

“What _is_ it with you and butts, anyway?” Dorian asked loudly. In his opinion Sera was the worst person to put in a group with Cullen. She was utterly incapable of avoiding saying bad things about magic. Honestly the girl was so phobic he was shocked enemy mages didn’t make her freeze up…

“Oh, like you don’t stare at Cully’s here. You think I don’t see it, but I do,” Sera said, clearly distracted.

“I would assume everyone saw it since we’re not hiding anything,” Cullen said. Sera snorted as Dorian choked.

“Wait, you noticed?” he blurted out.

“I know what you like,” Cullen said blithely. Sera fell backwards into the grass, howling.

Adaar walked up with her arms full of firewood and a pensive frown at the maniacal laughter as she came back to camp, “I leave you alone for five minutes…”

.o.o.o.

Solas was a good friend now that he’d learnt to be less pushy. Cullen had the feeling it took a great effort for the apostate to not press, so he let him slip now and then.

“Let me see if I understand,” Solas said. “From what I gather from you and Varric, the man who blew up Kirkwall’s Chantry was possessed, but not yet an abomination?”

“I think he was, Varric says he wasn’t,” Cullen said. Willing possession—foolhardy at best, suicidal at worse, if you asked him.

“And Varric claimed it was for many, many years,” Solas mused. “That would undoubtedly corrupt the spirit. It must have been very strong, to last so long…”

“I still don’t understand the difference between spirits and demons to you,” Cullen said.

“Spirits are embodiments, plain and simple. Demons are corrupted spirits,” Solas said. “Unless it relates to a spirit’s purpose, like Cole with compassion or, say, a spirit that match-makes, they have no will to leave the Fade at all. Demons are different.”

“So how is a spirit corrupted?” Cullen asked.

“When it is turned from its purpose. Summoning often does that—most spirits aren’t exactly made to fight or do whatever the person summons them for, and the summoner’s emotions corrupt the spirit,” Solas said.

“So what do you think makes despair demons?” Cullen asked. “Not wanting to summon a spirit?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I deal with despair demons a lot at night,” Cullen said. “I don’t know if I just attract them or what…”

“Well, given your past…” Solas mused. “Still, at least tonight’s not like that!”

“…What?” Cullen asked.

Solas frowned, “Cullen…where do you think we are right now?”

“What?” Cullen repeated. They were in the atrium, where Solas always was in Skyhold.

“All right then,” Solas said, smiling weakly. “Come see me after you _wake up_.”

Cullen jerked awake, getting a hiss from Dorian as he kicked him on accident. “Sorry!”

“Something wrong?” Dorian mumbled, rolling over to his back.

“…I need to go punch Solas,” Cullen grumbled.

Dorian grabbed him around the waist and hauled him closer, “Mm-hm. Do that later, amatus. When it’s light out. Stay…”

“Fine. I’ll do it after breakfast,” Cullen muttered.

.o.o.o.

“What’s wrong?”

“Does something have to be wrong?” Dorian asked. It wasn’t that Cullen wasn’t right, it was just…what had given him the idea?

“Usually when I don’t show up for lunch you find me and bodily drag me to get some,” Cullen said. “I just realized I hadn’t eaten since breakfast, it was sundown, and no dragging had occurred.”

“Am I really that easy?” Dorian asked while silently cursing himself for not checking on his workaholic partner.

“Don’t worry, I think it’s just Cole and I who have your number,” Cullen said. “And Cole…well, he’s Cole, no preventing him, really. So tell me what’s wrong or I’ll have him find out for me.”

“Using a spirit, my, _my_ you are getting more comfortable,” Dorian teased. Cullen looked a bit perplexed before shrugging it off.

“Dorian, what’s wrong?” he repeated.

“Felix is dead.”

Cullen stared at him. “What?”

“He’s dead. The blight finally caught up with him, I suppose,” Dorian said. “He…he still had time to denounce the Venatori and condemn the Elder One and all of what he wanted to do…

He went to pull the letter from his tunic to show Cullen, but the mage shot forward and threw his arms around Dorian and he just froze.

“I’m so sorry,” Cullen said. “I know he was your friend.”

Dorian nodded, at a loss for words. This wasn’t something he was used to, being comforted like this. Especially from a partner.

“He was a good man,” Cullen added.

“One of the finest I’ve ever known,” Dorian agreed.

“Do you…need me to leave you alone?” Cullen asked.

“…Stay?” Dorian asked quietly.

“Of course,” Cullen said. “Want to go back to our room, just…talk?”

“I…yes?” Dorian ventured. He felt completely out of his depth. This…all this…embracing in public, dealing with his problems with someone else…being in a relationship, a real one, not something made of stolen moments of screwing and little more, was something he’d never done.

Cullen led him through the castle to the small tower room they’d settled in together. He then started digging through Doran’s things, eventually finding a wine bottle he’d pilfered from the cellar last week. He pulled the cork out and offered it to Dorian, who sat down on his bed.

Dorian took the bottle, taking a long drink as Cullen settled next to him. “You know, Felix was my friend ever since we were children. Alexius…he and his wife weren’t going to act odd because I wasn’t a mage, so letting me play with their son wasn’t out of bounds. And Felix was always interested in what I was learning…even let me test my silencing abilities on him more than once.”

“Really?” Cullen asked, taking the bottle for a quick sip himself. “How’d that go?”

“Oh, hilarious,” Dorian said. “We were both the curious sort so we had whole ledgers filled with effects and durations and accuracy and the like. That’s part of why I can silence a Venatori that’s right next to you or another mage without you getting hit. Tests.”

They talked for what must have been a rather long time, given how empty the bottle became, but it felt good. Very good.

“Thank you, amatus,” he half-slurred into Cullen’s hair as they settled down to bed. “I need that.”

“Any time, Dorian,” Cullen replied.

.o.o.o.

“What does that word mean?” Cullen asked when it finally slipped through Dorian’s lips when they were alone and had time instead of being half-alseep.

“What?” Dorian asked.

“You…you keep saying…what does _amatus_ mean, Dorian?” Cullen asked.

He was surprised to see the mask fall away so suddenly as Dorian’s eyes widened, “I, ah…is it bothering you?”

“No,” Cullen said. “No, I just…you say it so often.”

“I hadn’t realized…” Dorian said quietly.

“It’s fine, I was just curious,” Cullen said carefully. He knew Dorian was as unused to relationships as he was, but in many ways the warrior seemed more nervous about what they did than Cullen. And he didn’t have to worry about getting possessed and killing his partner.

Dorian just stared at him, eyes not shuttered by teasing or lust or curiosity or anything else. And they were afraid. Dorian’s whole being betrayed that for whatever reason he was _scared_ and Cullen desperately didn’t want to be the reason.

“I’m sorry,” the blonde said quietly, staring at his boots. “I shouldn’t have asked, I-”

“Beloved.”

Cullen’s head snapped back up but he couldn’t meet Dorian’s eyes because the other man was staring off to the side.

“It means beloved. My beloved,” Dorian said quietly, shooting Cullen a quick glance. The naked hope and fear in those gray eyes was startling.

Cullen realized slowly that Dorian was afraid of him. Not because he was a mage, but because he was someone Dorian cared about. And Dorian had told him at the start of this that he wasn’t used to that, to getting his feelings mixed up in…but what if he had and had been hurt before and that was-

Cullen was pulled out of his reverie by a small sigh from Dorian, “And now you know.”

The Tevinter looked defeated, shoulders slumped and head ducked ever further. He was expecting this to go wrong.

Cullen stepped forward, carefully, into Dorian’s personal space. He took one of Dorian’s hands in his right, his left running along the warrior’s neck.

Even as Dorian chanced a glance at him Cullen could feel him going tense, waiting for the wrong thing. As if Cullen would give him that. “I love you too.”

Dorian’s eyes softened, “The things you say…”

“I mean them,” Cullen said, reaching up to stroke Dorian’s cheek. “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see Solas in this AU as being very interested in helping Cullen since he blames Cullen's fears not on closed-mindedness, but bad history. He's relishing the idea of helping expand someone's horizons...and he totally thought Cullen knew they were in the Fade.  
> We got a little more in Dorian's past in this bit. What is (probably) the final chapter, after this deals more with Dorian and his life, since Cullen's been getting most of the spotlight.


	5. Emotion

Dorian had been positively irritated from day one about how good-looking Cullen was. It made not flirting with him frankly very difficult and was quite distracting. No one should look that good when clearly underfed and not sleeping enough, with clothes that erred on the wrong side of mismatched, and the apparent inability to just stand up straight and look someone in the eye (he even had the sneaking suspicion that with his shoulders set right and his head up, Cullen might actually have been taller than him).

He’d mentioned it to Felix only to nearly get to book to the head, “He’s _shy_ you idiot. Good looking and shy.”

“No one that good looking has cause to be that shy,” Dorian had protested.

“Have you paid attention at all what Circle conditions are like down here? How they treat magic?” Felix had hissed, looking progressively more annoyed. “I’m shocked more of the mages aren’t like Cullen…must have had a singularly bad experience, I guess.”

They’d bickered for a while longer, shutting up when Cullen came by to work on their project some more.

Dorian was peeved to find himself unable to concentrate at all. And then he was even more peeved that Cullen seemed very much not the sort to agree to a quick round of sex to deal with this sort of…lingering attraction.

He hated when lust started overriding his higher thought processes. It made him feel like his parents, his homeland, were right about people like him.

Oh, there was a thought. Cullen might not even be interested in men. How…depressing.

“Are you still on that page?” Felix asked incredulously.

“What?” Dorian was humiliated to have so obviously snapped out of wandering thoughts. “ _Venhedis_ , sorry. Distracted.”

“Something on your mind?” Cullen asked.

“Yes, it’s private,” Dorian said. “Sorry.”

“Perhaps we do need a break,” Felix said. “We do little else but this for hours on end, every day…Dorian, go dig out that chessboard. I want to see if Cullen can beat you.”

Cullen’s head jerked up, “ _If_?” He actually sounded a bit offended.

“Oh, our southern friend is confident,” Felix said. “Get the board, I want to see this.”

Well over an hour later, Dorian felt he’d finally pulled Cullen into a position where the clever blond would lose, “Looks like you’ll have to come to terms with your inevitable defeat, Cullen.”

Cullen laughed. It was short and quiet but he actually laughed. “Really? Because I’ve just won, and I feel fine.”

It took Dorian more than a few moments to look at the board and confirm whether or not it was true. Cullen was smirking at him, actually proud for once, and also for once leaning back a bit instead of all curled in on himself.

“Ha-ha! Magnificent! Someone to check your dear ego!” Felix teased.

After scanning the board—oh, that had been clever, he filed that away for later—Dorian looked up to congratulate Cullen.

There was a knock at the door.

At once all of the confidence bled out of Cullen as he startled, leaving him glancing between the floor and Dorian as if he hadn’t just been silently gloating over his win.

Dorian hated that even as his heart ached at the sight, he found it devastatingly adorable.

.o.o.o.

“I cannot believe you.”

“I was merely sparring, Cullen.”

“Showing off, you mean,” Cullen muttered, knowing he wasn’t being nearly careful enough as he ran his hands over Dorian’s various bruises and scrapes.

“No.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Cullen said sharply, healing a purple and green mark on Dorian’s left hip. “You think I couldn’t see you peacocking out there like the…the utter dandy you are?”

“Ah, so you were watching.”

Cullen knew he was too rough when he pulled Dorian’s sword arm to himself to fix the damaged muscles, “You knew I was watching. Made you worse than you already were you…argh…”

“Do keep sweet-talking me, darling, I love it so.”

“Insufferable,” Cullen muttered. “Don’t think I don’t know what you were doing.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes, really. I have eyes and ears. And so do the Chargers.”

“Fasta vas, you asked _them_?” Dorian yelped, pulling away.

“No, but they give a great running commentary…Krem’s in the same boat you know,” Cullen added quietly.

Tevinter was not a popular place around Haven, especially with how the Venatori had been playing the mages. It was an easy thing to pick at someone for, being from there. Single them out for it.

“Krem’s not the son of a magister,” Dorian said quietly.

“Krem’s also not a big enough idiot to try and prove himself by having match after match until he nearly passes out,” Cullen argued. “And this isn’t even about Krem, this is about you _being an idiot_!”

If Krem and Skinner hadn’t noticed the same and decided they needed the ring right then, Cullen probably would have had to damn Dorian’s pride and drag him back to their tent in front of everyone...who was he kidding? He’d never have had the courage to walk out in front of a crowd like that… “You worried me, all right?”

“I’m fine.”

“You…you don’t have to prove anything, you know,” Cullen tried. “The Inquisitor knows your value, and the other people around here who matter…they know. I know.”

Dorian smiled at him and his heart jumped a bit. “I know you do, Cullen. I was just feeling…aggravated.”

“No excuse for being an idiot.”

“Oh, fine. I was an idiot and I’m sorry. Better?”

Cullen nodded, fighting the urge to smirk, “Much.”

.o.o.o.

Dorian was not overly fond of camping, but it served its purpose. Better than just wandering about until you passed out in the wild, after all. Still, it was usually cold, nasty business if you asked him.

Unless of course one woke up curled up with an adorable blond mage.

Whether at Skyhold or here in a tent in the middle of the Hissing Wastes, Dorian still found himself…surprised, he supposed, to be waking up to the same person.

He shouldn’t have been, not by now. Cullen was obviously invested in this as a relationship and clearly cared more for the emotions between them than just the sex, so there was little chance of him just up and leaving.

And yet…Dorian had been left before. Often.

He was disposable, after all. Young and so easily dismissed, noble but not a mage so unlikely to be a powerful future enemy, good looking and so easily assumed to be likely to have others anyway…it was all too easy for prior partner after partner to justify leaving him. The phrase ‘that’s just how these things work’ had been a common one.

He shifted up onto one arm, the other reaching out to run a hand through Cullen’s hair. The blond curls were always amusing when in disarray.

Just how these things worked. He’d always known it was a lie, in a way, but having proof that it was wrong, they were wrong, his father was wrong…

Cullen stirred, “D’rian?”

“Good morning, amatus.” He ran a hand down Cullen’s side idly as the mage started to stir.

“Morning,” Cullen murmured back, reaching up to yank Dorian down again.

“Missed your pillow, did you?” Dorian asked.

“Mm-hm,” Cullen hummed, settling on Dorian’s shoulder. “Go back to sleep, love. Long day ahead.”

“Well, if you insist.”

.o.o.o.

Cullen had been with Dalish when it happened. They’d been discussing spellcasting around melee fighters—as much as they could with Dalish’s incredibly convoluted euphemisms for magic—while Dorian and the Chargers sparred. At least it was safer than the idiot taking all comers for well past his limit like he used to.

Then the Inquisitor had shown up, gone over, and pulled Dorian aside. Cullen had paid it no mind, people were pulled aside and asked to go questing often enough.

Then Dorian started swearing. Loudly.

Cullen was halfway to his feet when Dorian threw a piece of parchment down and ground it into the dirt with his heel before storming off.

Everything was dead silent before Bull loudly informed the Chargers they hadn’t seen a thing and asked Adaar if she’d like to join the spar. She agreed, nodding for Cullen to take the paper as she and Bull distracted the mercenaries.

Cullen picked it up and brushed it off. It was a letter to the Chantry Mother; he didn’t know why that would upset Dorian so. Too much of the text was blurred by damage, but the signature made his eyes widen.

Magister Halward Pavus.

Why was Dorian’s father, a _magister_ , writing Skyhold Chantry?

He hurried after Dorian. When he reached their room, the door was shut. He knocked but got no answer, and when he went to open it he was stunned to find it locked.

While he was normally against using spells to solve situations like this, he magicked the lock open. He was worried, “Dorian?”

“Go away, Cullen.”

Dorian’s voice was raw and wet. Was…was he crying? Oh, Maker, he was crying. “Dorian, what’s wrong?”

“It’s…it’s nothing, Cullen. Please leave.”

“No,” Cullen said. “Dorian, please. Talk to me, love. Why on earth was this letter-?”

“You read it?” Dorian yelped, turning to face him.

“Well, no, it’s pretty much unreadable by now,” Cullen said, taking in Dorian’s red eyes and shaking shoulders. “But why did your father write Mother Giselle?”

“To lure me to meet with a ‘family retainer’ without my knowledge. What is he trying to do, kidnap me?” Dorian asked.

“…I don’t know?” Cullen offered. He didn’t know Dorian’s father. Or…much about Dorian’s family at all. With the way Dorian talked, one would have assumed Alexius’s family had adopted him or something, as Cullen had a lot more on them. “Dorian, please tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’ve never been what they wanted,” Dorian muttered. “First, not a mage. _Humiliation_. But even still I managed to prove myself somewhat suitable even if not as an heir…my father was always proud of my academic skill, you see. So…so even though I wasn’t what I should have been it was still…I was…he could be proud of me…”

Cullen slowly walked over to sit beside him. He had trouble conceiving of it sometimes, of _wanting_ to be a mage. Being a mage had gotten him taken from his family, tortured by abominations, taunted nightly by demons in the Fade… And yet even though Dorian wanted it he didn’t act envious or resentful towards Cullen, despite the fact that Cullen often hated being what Dorian wanted to. “How could anyone not be proud of you?”

“The things you say.” That was always Dorian’s response when Cullen got too close to the truth, dismissing it as though Cullen were merely wooing him with fanciful words.

“I mean them, Dorian. And you know that.”

“…I prefer the company of men. My father disapproves.”

“From what you’ve told me, the majority of Tevinter disapproves.”

“The majority of Tevinter is not _my father_ ,” Dorian pointed out, vice cracking. “He…you have no idea how I looked up to him, wanted him to be proud of me…do you know what he said when he found out?”

Cullen shook his head, reaching for Dorian’s hand. The warrior snatched it tightly, gripping Cullen’s fingers to the point of pain.

“That he…he could… _fix_ me,” Dorian said.

“What?” Cullen asked, stunned.

“I don’t _know_ , something about blood magic-”

“You’ve told me your father despises blood magic,” Cullen said. It was one of three things Cullen knew about the man, that, he was a lover of academics, and Dorian occasionally complained about looking like him.

“I know. That made it worse. That he’d still use it to…to…” Dorian shook his head with a choked gasp. “And that was when I knew. Nothing I did really mattered, it never had. I’d always be his _defective_ son, the one in need of _fixing_ because he’s _broken-_ ”

“You’re not broken, Dorian-”

“ _I know I’m not broken_!” Dorian snapped, yanking away from Cullen. “I…I know. It just…well maybe I’m not broken like he thinks but hear that…I’ll confess that might have broken me. Just a bit.”

“Oh love,” Cullen said, reaching over and pulling Dorian close again. “You’re _not_ broken. You’re really not.”

“I’m sorry,” Dorian said, wiping at his eyes. “I’m…I’m supposed to be the strong one in this relationship, aren’t I?”

“Dorian, you’re allowed to be distraught,” Cullen said. “I’m not going to get upset because I’m finally the one who gets to comfort you.”

Dorian chuckled weakly, “Been awaiting this moment, have you? Getting your turn?”

“You know that’s not it.”

“I do.” Dorian shook his head. “I suppose we ought to do something about that retainer…”

“What, like go to Redcliffe and electrocute him?” Cullen asked casually. Oh it was so tempting…

“Hmm…let’s just stick with scaring the shit out of him, he’ll need to take the message back, after all,” Dorian said. “I suppose we’ll have to bring Adaar. You know her, always wanting to solve our problems.”

“Could bring Cole, too. He can help us guess the retainer’s intentions,” Cullen said. “And you know he’d love to help.”

“A good plan. We’ll get the drop on this man yet,” Dorian said, smirking. “Thank you, Cullen.”

“Of course, Dorian.”

.o.o.o.

Cole blocked the door before Dorian could open it, “It’s not what you think.”

“…It _is_ a kidnapping then?” Dorian asked.

“Then you owe me money because I told you so,” Adaar sighed.

“No,” Cole said. “It’s him, Dorian, he wants to talk, to speak with you…I want to say more but I don’t know if it’ll hurt you instead of helping him and it’s all tangled and I’m sorry but it’s always a mess when it’s like that and-”

“Thank you Cole,” Cullen interrupted. “But who is ‘he?’”

Cole scuffed his boot against the ground, “ _Him_. Dorian, you know.”

He did. “He means my father. My father is here.” He felt cold.

“It’s not a kidnapping, if that helps,” Cole added.

“Then what does he want?” Dorian demanded.

“We could always ask,” Adaar said.

“Oh I’ll be asking, all right,” Dorian said, reaching around Cole for the door and storming in, Adaar and Cullen on his heels and Cole carefully closing the door behind them. Dorian scanned the room incessantly until his father finally stepped out of an alcove, “Father.”

“You expected me?” He looked older than Dorian remembered.

“We have our ways.” No need to inform his father of what Cole was, after all. “Why are you here?”

“I want you to come home.”

Dorian felt the sneer form on his face, “Forgive me for being disinclined to do so.”

Cole hovered near Adaar, who was casually being menacing by the door. Cullen was between them and Dorian, arms locked together behind his back. Dorian had stood behind Cullen enough to know his hands were clenched into fists and shaking by his posture.

“I don’t even understand why you left,” his father said and nothing could have driven Dorian to rage faster.

“ _Don’t understand_?” Dorian snarled. “After what you said to me?”

His father looked genuinely perplexed, only upsetting Dorian further. “I was offering to help you-”

“I didn’t _need_ any help!” Dorian yelled. “There was, and is, nothing wrong with me!”

“What exactly is going on here?” Adaar asked, assuming the tone of the imperious Inquisitor.

“He doesn’t understand,” Cole said. “He thinks something’s wrong when it’s not and since nothing’s wrong Dorian’s mad that he thinks there is.”

“Well put, Cole,” Dorian said, still glaring at his father. “What was this supposed to be, anyway? You wanted me to come here unawares for…for _what_?”

“I just wanted to speak with you,” his father said.

“Then why the secrecy?” Cullen asked. Dorian smirked faintly as his father looked over with a start—had he thought Cullen mute? Somehow not noticed a mage in red standing five steps behind Dorian? “Why not simply ask to meet with him?”

His father seemed to falter, “I feared you would not come.”

“So you gave me no choice, lovely,” Dorian muttered, stalking towards the tavern area of the inn.

Cullen was at his right side at once, Cole his left. Dorian assumed Adaar was keeping his father from following with one of her glares.

“You can’t just leave it like this,” Cullen said. “I know you. You’ll torture yourself with ‘what ifs’ for the rest of your life.”

“You heard Cole. He doesn’t understand,” Dorian said.

“Then make him,” Cole said. If Dorian wasn’t mistaken, the spirit-boy had managed to get some _isn’t-it-obvious_ into his tone. He must have been around Solas too much recently.

“…I’ll try,” Dorian said. As he walked back to the hall he forced himself to reign in his emotions because he needed to get this out as coherently as possible. “I don’t need _fixing_. There is nothing wrong with me and the fact that you think I’d want to…alter myself like that…it would require blood magic, goodness sake, _fucking blood magic_! For that to be your first response to…to what I am…?”

His father frowned, “You do not…find a problem with…?”

“No!” Dorian yelled. “No, no, a thousand times _no_! But to hear you say that…” He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t. He turned on his heel for the door.

“If I had known my words would drive you to the Inquisition-”

And now he was angry enough to turn back around. “It wasn’t about _you_. I joined the Inquisition because it was _right_. I thought I had a father who knew that.”

“And I once thought myself worthy of my son’s trust. I was…mistaken.”

Dorian clenched his fists. This…he couldn’t do this in front of the others. Not even Cullen.

He nodded at Cole, who whispered to Adaar. They both headed for the door. Cullen hesitated, but Dorian gave him a small smile and that seemed to settle him. He followed.

.o.o.o.

Cullen would be lying if he said he hadn’t hung around directly outside the door the entire time Dorian was talking with his father. He refused to eavesdrop, but he’d wanted to be nearby if something went wrong.

Dorian hadn’t seemed surprised to find him there when he exited the building. But he’d stayed quiet as they went back to Skyhold, and asked to be left alone for a while.

Cullen obliged. It had been a rough day all around. He went up to the healer’s wing to see if they needed any help, take his mind off things.

He headed back to their room long after dinner, and found Dorian on the bed, staring out their small window. “Dorian.”

“Cullen,” the Tevinter said, a smile flickering over his face for a moment. “He…said we’re too alike. Too much pride.”

Cullen would admit, Dorian was prideful…but not the kind of prideful that would drive someone to _blood magic_ over a stupid _legacy_. Dorian had a more vain and stubborn sort of pride.

“I…when I was little, I’d have given anything to hear him say that. Anything to be more like him,” Dorian said. “I was always closer to him than my mother and…well, I’m sure you’ve heard Cole say it when he’s gone tromping through my head. ‘Anything to make him happy.’ But it wasn’t enough.”

“So it didn’t go well? After we left?” Cullen sat next to Dorian, pulled the warrior over so he could rest his head on Cullen’s shoulder.

“It went…somewhere. I think. He just doesn’t understand, that’s the trouble. He’s…trying, I think, but…I still don’t know if I can forgive him. I just don’t.”

Cullen ran his hand through Dorian’s hair, slightly mussing its usual style. “No one said you had to, love.”

“Then why do I feel like I’m being selfish?”

“Because he’s your father and you want him to be proud of you, that’s normal. All children want that.” He bit his lip as he recalled the looks on his parents’ faces when his magic had manifested. It had stung, being sent away, and _he’d_ actually thought they were in the right back then…to be condemned for something you knew wasn’t wrong… “But sometimes…we have to learn that it’s all right not to be what they want. We have to be what we want.”

“That’s my level-headed lion,” Dorian chuckled softly, wrapping his arm around Cullen’s waist. “This is what I want. I hope you know that.”

“I guessed at it,” Cullen teased.

“You know…for a long time I thought _this_ was something I couldn’t have even if I wanted it,” Dorian mused. “And then you proved me wrong, amatus.”

“I’m glad I did,” Cullen said. “This s better than I hoped for too.”

Dorian smiled and kissed him deeply.

.o.o.o.

Dorian found Halamshiral endlessly fascinating. It was so splendidly home and yet _not_ home at the same time that he could have wandered about analyzing everything all evening, if given the chance.

Though the next Orlesian noble to call him a Tevinter “Templar” was going to drive him to break their silly little mask. It was the principle of the matter. Oh, there was Sera, he could sic her on them…

“Hey, Vint.”

“What do you want, Bull?” he sighed.

“Might want to find your mage.”

“What? Why?” Dorian asked. Vivienne had been with Cullen last he checked, helping him with the whole being-a-mage-around-these-people thing. Not something Dorian could help with and being with a Tevinter wouldn’t help his image…

“Well he’s getting mobbed by admirers right now,” Bull said, gesturing to a balcony. “Wanted to know if you’d like to rescue him before I scared them off myself.”

“Oh, my thanks,” Dorian said. “…Dare I ask how he acquired these admirers?”

“He’s hot,” Bull pointed out. “And not intimidating like Vivienne and that Morrigan woman.”

“I see,” Dorian said. Naturally these nobles then saw Cullen as more a pet than anything. Which he was very much _not_. “Thank you Bull. Oh, and find Adaar for a dance, would you? She’d love it.”

He made his way through the party quickly, plotting on some way to team up with Sera against Vivienne for throwing Cullen to the wolves to keep himself calm.

Cullen looked quite dashing tonight indeed, his curls tamed and his stubble more shaved than usual. And that uniform fit him in _all_ the right places.

But it was hard to appreciate it properly as Cullen was pressed hard against a column, quietly trying to dissuade a gaggle of ladies and gentlemen who seemed to have declared him their curiosity for the evening.

Well, maybe he could play a knight in shining armor for once. “Ah, there you are, Cullen!”

He’d never seen the mage look so relieved. While he knew Cullen could be a tad iffy about public displays of affection—and given his history Dorian was no master of it himself—with Orlesians you _had_ to be obvious. The poor dears were simply dense.

So Dorian briefly pinned Cullen to the pillar, kissing him deeply, before stepping back and turning as he drew the mage to his side, “Oh, hello. Apologies, didn’t see you there.”

Even with the masks he could see the sour looks. Adorable, really. He could feel Cullen relaxing under his arm, though, so his intent was already accomplished.

“Dorian of House Pavus, most recently of Minrathous. A pleasure, really.” He loved having the manners to play these games, sometimes.

He watched the murmurs with glee. Some tittered quietly bout his being Tevinter, others questioned whether or not he was a magister.

He cared more about the hand gently curled into his side than any comments they could make.

“Monsieur,” one pale lass wearing what he frankly found the entirely wrong shade of rouge asked, “Are you a…magister?”

“Alas, no,” he said. “Cullen, enjoying the party?”

Cullen gave him an annoyed look. Dorian was _hoping_ he’d take the cue to come up with some excuse like needing air. Right. Circle mage, farmer’s son before that, not used to this at all.

“Are you the Templar from Tevinter we’d heard about, then?” a man asked. A decent hat, but it didn’t go with his mask at all...oh and how he wanted to _say so_ and pluck it from the man’s face before fulfilling his vow of mask-breaking…

“My skills may be similar to your southern Templars but, _no_.” His tone was far too final there. Not proper etiquette at all.

“Oh, but that would be so romantic,” another woman sighed. “A mage and a Templar…”

“It’s plenty romantic, thank you,” Cullen said tightly. “Dorian, I’d like to get something to drink. Your taste in wines is always good, mind helping?”

That would work. “Of course, amatus.”

They slipped away quickly.

Cullen chuckled, shaking his head, “That was dreadful. Thank you for getting rid of them. And resisting to urge to punch that one fellow.”

“Actually I was going to snatch his mask and break it.” Probably not the best response...but it was so tempting!

“Good imagery, though it’s probably just as well that you didn’t,” Cullen said.

“True. And I am so trying to be on my best behavior.”

“I’ll endeavor to not bring out your jealous side again then.”

Dorian sputtered, “ _Jealous_? I was not _jealous. Jealous_ implies they had a _chance_.”

“Possessive, then,” Cullen said shaking his head. “As they had no such chance, love.”

Dorian silently stewed. He had been a bit…resentful about how they were treating Cullen. Not all that green-eyed, though. All right maybe a bit.

“I was concerned. You looked cornered.”

“I was. Thank you for the dashing rescue.”

He loved it when Cullen purposefully stroked his ego like that, “I _was_ dashing, wasn’t I?”

“Well, does the _dashing_ Lord Pavus care to dance?” Cullen asked. “Or...try to, I’ll admit I’m not very good at…I’m saying I’m offering.”

“I gathered,” Dorian said. “Come, let’s see how many song play before the assassins show up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS FINALLY DONE. And hoo boy did this get a bit away from me...  
> I was working on the part in Redcliffe Inn forever! And then the part at the ball! But I'm finally done, mwahahaha!  
> ...On to the n ext ten dozen plotbunnies, then...XD


End file.
